By Deborah Chawla

In our January issue, we asked for input on our article about parenting styles, specifically, what you learned from the way your parents raised you. Here’s one reader’s response, which we feel represents the vision North Star Family Matters has for every child.

When I was little, I didn’t realize I stood just waist-high to my parents. I could see that they were much taller, their hands large enough to scoop me up with little effort. However, I didn’t feel small. Even though I was a little person, I felt big enough inside to be ten feet tall.

As a child, I felt big and strong because my parents filled in the blanks, with reason. If there was a family crisis, I knew about it because they trusted my brother and me enough to share. If there was a decision to be made, it was a family decision. Even as a child, I truly knew my parents because of their openness and respect for me as a little person with a voice of my own. I felt whole inside because I knew I was never alone and my little voice would always be heard.

Giving your child a voice involves providing a larger frame of reference. Being open and honest with children enables growth and responsibility, thus creating a more conscientious individual. Understanding how a child’s actions affect others negatively or positively also enables that awareness. If a child knows she has an impact on the world around her, she will feel more powerful and confident and more a part of the family and surrounding community.

My parents constantly reaffirmed their love for us by giving us choices. Because I was able to contribute input into my life and the family decisions, I felt needed and respected by my parents. Of course, there were many times when we would disagree because my experience was limited. However, I always received sincere explanations as to why their point of view made more sense than mine, enabling me to further grow into a confident, thinking young person.

Through honest communication and practical discussions with my parents, I felt as though I completed the family puzzle as a key piece that mattered. A child who is given a voice in her family can obtain the ten-foot vantage point, ultimately discovering the varied paths life presents. If you elevate your children as my parents did, by giving them the gift of a voice within your family, you can have the joy of watching their confidence grow.

--Deborah Chawla, San Jose, CA

March 2007