By Sue Woodward
Dynamic partnerships are relationships between “equals in spirit” that encourage us to grow as individuals, as well as partners. These are the kind of relationships we want to encourage at home, at school, at work, with our partners, children, and friends. Dynamic partnerships broaden our vision of each other, asking us to find our completion or happiness within, rather than thinking that another can make us feel complete. No matter our relative ages, backgrounds, or beliefs, we are all equals in spirit as we try to discover our passions, purpose, value, and gifts.
Why is it that the people we love most, those who live within the four walls of our home, seem to be the same people who trigger our emotions most easily? Every relationship in life offers us the opportunity to evolve and grow, to know ourselves more intimately, and to discover the pain behind our negative reactions. Many relationships don’t require us to look within ourselves too deeply. Those people we love most are most capable of help us discover the areas in which we need to evolve and become more balanced, healthy, loving, confident, supportive, and compassionate.
Some relationships support and encourage us in being our grandest version of ourselves, while others seem to limit us. We tend to blame the limiting person or situation, but the truth is that we operate within a realm of choices and we choose these people and situations. In many cases we’ll find that we were in a similar situation or type of relationship when we were young, making the relationship comfortable if not enjoyable. Even if we complain, react, and wish things were different, there’s a part of us that says, “At least with this person , I know what to expect.” If we were more comfortable in another type of relationship, we’d probably be in it right now. How did we get in this position?
Typically we gravitate to a relationship because it fills a need. In many cases, the other person makes us feel better about ourselves or confirms our doubts about ourselves. As we grow as a person, our needs change, and we want to keep moving forward. Maybe as a child we learned that we should hold back, but we can also learn to take a step at a time in the direction we want to go. Science tells us that stress, anger, hatred, and fear release chemicals that may be useful in the moment we need to react to a true threat, but are harmful over an extended period of time. Are the people we love truly threats? Not really, but we often react as if they were.
Life calls to us, asking us to create something with our time here on earth. Instead of spending a lifetime reacting with anger, sadness, anxiety, etc, let’s take one step in the direction we are ready to go. Relationships are an integral part of our personal development. They teach us how to let go of the defenses and unconscious reactions that create havoc in our lives.
Let’s define a successful relationship as one that helps us learn about ourselves, as we become more capable of living a satisfying life. This is a new perspective from the traditional definition of a successful relationship that is defined by how long it lasts. Each relationship, no matter how brief or extended, deserves an appreciation for what it taught us about ourselves. A dynamic partnership recognizes that we are two separate, connected, growing, evolving individuals and that, as such, the nature of our relationship will continue to change and evolve as well. Sometimes it seems easier to move on to a new relationship when the lessons get too tough, but our lessons aren’t about the other person, they are about ourselves. We can continue to find new relationships, but the nature of those relationships will change only when we’ve addressed change from within.
Our negative emotions are wonderful indicators of where we need to grow and, if we don’t pay attention, we feel lousy until we do something about it. Some of us are so used to not growing that lousy starts feeling normal, but that is simply the conditioning of our past. We may not be able to change what has happened to us or how others react, but we can bring about a change in ourselves, and that is where our true power resides. No one is doing anything to me. I am allowing this feeling to control me. This gives us an open door to the choices we have. Do I want to continue feeling this way? When was the first time I ever felt this way? (Usually the answer lies long ago in our childhoods.) How long do I want to be a victim to my own reactions? How can I look at this perspective in a slightly different way that will help me start to feel better, in spite of how this person acts? Do I believe I deserve to feel worthless? Is being anxious paying off?
Stop seeing experiences as struggles and embrace your emotions. Own them and take a step in the direction of feeling a little bit better. Start trusting that the process of life is unfolding as it should. Change is a part of daily life and each day you want to be the most powerful you can be, moving through all experiences without resistance. In the space of letting go of our resistance and connecting with the truth of who we are, we get a glimpse of our potential, we remember why we engage in those Dynamic Partnerships with the ones we love.
Characteristics of a Dynamic Partnership
Every relationship has its ups and downs, good times and hard times, including dynamic partnerships. Partnerships are “dynamic” because the people involved recommit on a daily basis, knowing that these up-and-down experiences are simply opportunities to grow as individuals and partners.
A Dynamic Partnership Encourages:
January 2008