By Laurice Bray
A Read-Aloud For Parents & Kids
The loss of a beloved pet can be one of the most traumatic and devastating events for an adult or child. There may be difficult decisions surrounding the death and, whether it’s planned or an accident, great remorse and guilt can walk by our side, a continuing reminder of all that was, could be, or might have been.
Did you ever have a pet who died? Maybe it was your first experience of loss and grief. This experience, whether good or bad, can influence how you might deal with losing a loved one. We all deal with loss in different ways and our feelings may not follow a predictable path—everyone finds their way through this process in their own time and way. Your sorrow over your pet’s death might even make you struggle in other ways at home or in school.
Throughout these times, it is important for you to express how you feel openly, and to know that this is a natural process of life. Being sad when a pet leaves our lives is no cause for shame. You might have questions such as, “Where did my pet go?” “Will I see him again?” “Is it my fault that she died?”
What do you think happens when something dies? What do you wish would happen to them? Think about these questions and come up with your own answers. Many of us have different beliefs or thoughts about what happens when something or someone dies. You possess a strong inner guidance about the world, so take some time to try to listen to what’s inside of you for answers. Every time you learn to think for yourself, you grow as a person and learn how to make good decisions.
Your parents, grandparents, and friends each have their own life experiences that brought them to their current belief systems. There are as many different beliefs in the world as there are people! Just because someone’s belief is different, doesn’t mean one person is wrong or right. Focus on what feels best for you and let other people decide what feels best for them.
If you had a pet who was suffering, would you want to stop their suffering by helping them die? Would you want to talk to the vet and ask questions about how it all works, or would you rather just not be a part of it? There is no right or wrong answer, just an answer that feels best for you; an answer that comes from listening to how you feel inside.
Maybe you would like to write a letter to your pet, read it out loud, and then burn the letter as you send your thoughts off in smoke to be with your pet. You might write the pet’s name on a leaf and place the leaf in a stream, or honor their passing in another creative way that feels right for you.
One little girl’s family decided they all wanted to be there when they helped their dog peacefully end her painful journey with cancer. The family held the beloved pet as she took her last breath and then took her with them to bury her on their farm. The rest of the family kissed the dog good-bye, but two-year-old Shelly remained in the car. When her mom asked “Shelly, do you want to kiss Casha good-bye?” Shelly’s two-year old response was, “Me no kiss doggie. Doggie dead!” At two years old, Shelly knew what she needed—and didn’t need—to deal with death for the first time.
Some believe that all beloved living things are connected and, although there is a physical end, memory and heart connections allow our love to live on. We even find more love in our hearts to give to the next pet. Without question, the loss of a cherished pet or a loved one is an important part of life’s journey. The key is to continue to move in a positive direction, always heeding the small, still voice that exists inside each of us.
About the Author:
Laurice Bray is a wife, mother, grandmother, and nurse who has worked in hospice and with the disabled and elderly. She has loved animals since she was a little girl and lives in Livonia, Michigan.
From the Author
Last April, my husband and I made the painful decision to have Mary, our dear black Labrador retriever, euthanized due to an ongoing illness. We were incredibly lucky that we were able to spend a wonderful final day with her— swimming in the local park, walking among the leaves, watching her carry her weary and aching 13-year-old body around for a last run among her favorite haunts. We laughed and cried as we took pictures, and hand-fed her a hamburger at the drive-through. It was a glorious, bittersweet time.
At the veterinarian’s office the next day, we shared Mary’s last moments by stroking her soft head, telling her how deeply we loved her, and thanking her for the great gift she had given us just by her very presence for all of these years. We buried our heads in her fur as she left the physical world.
Although we tried to prepare ourselves for Mary’s passing and absence, the grief rolled over us like a tidal wave, engulfing us. We didn’t try to be brave or strong, but let everything deep within come to the surface as we cried out our sorrow, anger, longing, and despair. The days and nights seemed endless, and whenever we could, we grasped hold of a beautiful thought of Mary, or looked at a photo, or recounted a funny episode. We made it a natural progression from grief back into the light and life that exists without her at our side. These tiny, precious, positive moments helped us begin to heal.
This article was inspired by our own loss, as well as the story of author Dean Koontz, who lost his beloved Golden Retriever, Trixie, last June. My husband heard a radio interview where Koontz expressed his tremendous grief and talked about his struggle to write again. One day, not long after Trixie’s death, Mr. Koontz and his wife Gerda were out walking when they caught sight of an unusually large, beautifully colored butterfly. This exquisite creature hovered close to them for a time, and in that quiet moment, they felt comforted and reassured that Trixie was at peace. If we are open to the beauty of life around us, we will find ourselves rewarded again and again by special gifts and healing insights such as this, even in our moments of greatest sadness. --L.B.
January 2008