By Sharon Becker
We’ve all heard people comment in times of transition that they “don’t do well with change.” Who does? Change happens every day, every where, whether we like it or not. Too often we waste our energy asking, “Why is this happening?” when a more valuable question is, “How can I use change to my advantage?”
Change offers opportunity to grow. If we wait until things get worse, we may end up facing far greater challenges and—on top of that—our standard coping mechanisms may cease to work. It is not uncommon to experience a “crisis” before we seek help and take advantage of external support systems.
By learning to accept and embrace change, we become better prepared to face life experiences, as well as give support and receive it from others. There is no “right” answer to how we should deal with or adapt to change. It is only by exploring how we each cope with situations as they arise that we discover our own unique answers. To better understand one’s individual way of managing change, consider how your family dealt with changes when you were a child.
Was communication open and forthcoming, or did your family respond by “sweeping things under the rug,” pretending that things were the same as usual? Understanding these learned patterns of coping sets us free to deal with these situations differently.
We empower ourselves when we realize that there are many options for dealing with change. We take a risk with that first step in learning something new but, at the same time, we gain confidence and strength in our abilities. We learn to connect to our own potential and develop a sense of trust in the grand scheme of things. Whatever your beliefs are about how the world works, apply those beliefs to the present situation and ee what comfort they offer. Maybe you find comfort in remembering that “it could always be worse” or in thinking “things have always worked out for me in the past.” If you believe in a higher power, connect to that feeling of trust and faith. If you believe the world is random chaos, find comfort in the idea that randomness can lead to positive change just as easily as negative.
And, as usual, remember that your children learn about change from you. So, for example, when change happens during your child’s day at school, even if they reacted poorly, remind them how brave they are in the face of change and that they can learn better ways to respond that empower him/her. With this mindset, our children learn to see change as an opportunity, rather than something to be avoided at all costs.
The bottom line is that change is a huge part of life today. There is no getting around it or away from it. So, take a moment to consider what changes you might be resisting right now in your life. How much energy are you expending through your resistance? Does the resistance make your life or anyone else’s better? What would it look like if you were to embrace that change instead? When we initiate and invite change into our lives one small step at a time, we begin to gain a greater sense of power and confidence because we see the realm of possibilities.
About the Author:
Sharon Becker was a licensed clincal social worker with a specialization in family therapy, until she started her own business, The Next Generation. A selftaught artist and entrepreneur, she sells “Gifts From the Heart.” www.nxtgeneration.net.
First, do this on your own and then invite your child to sit down with you to make her/his own list. Be honest and open about what you put on your list. Keep in mind that there are no right or wrong answers. Consider:
What do you think about when you hear the word change?
- What good things have come out of changes in your life?.
- What change is going on in your life now that you wish you could embrace instead of resist?
What emotions come up when you think about change?
- When was the first time you felt this way?
- Does this current situation justify these feelings or are those reactions left over from your past?
- How can you release those leftover feelings?
How do you typically deal with change?
- What are some alternative ways to address change?
- If your fears weren’t an issue, how would you envision yourself addressing this situation?
- Remember that as you grow in adapting and embracing change, you give yourself a gift and are able to share this most wonderful “gift from the heart” with your child.
February 2008