By Tanessa Dillard Noll
Look for Tanessa’s article every month as she shares her experiences raising her 16-month-old son, Guy, on the tools and insights offered in our magazine.
A couple of months ago our washing machine stopped working so we washed several loads of laundry at the local laundromat. We left a dryer full of my son’s clothes, and when we went back for the clothes, they were gone. Most of the clothes had been holiday gifts from family and it took a while for me to accept the loss. I just wished I could go back and undo our mistake, which was, of course, not an option. But it didn’t take me long to acknowledge that the love that went into the gifts was still there and we were fortunate that our son Guy still had plenty of clothes to wear. Maybe our loss would even be a gift for a child who needed some clothes.
As I reflect on this and other recent challenges, I see how my thinking has been transformed by months of reading this magazine. In the past, I would rarely see an opportunity in the challenges of life situations. Now, when I accept what happens and seek ways to move forward, I find that my family is much better off.
This month, for example, I had to adjust to some challenging conditions in order to write this column. Normally I get to write alone in a quiet room, but this month my husband Jesse was ill. As a result, I spent most of the time in the playroom with Guy, who periodically banged on his drums or snatched my paper from me. It was somewhat noisy and chaotic and probably took twice as long to write half as much. But I am able to see that it is all part of the deal in becoming a parent. And along the way, most of the time, I am able to appreciate my son and the opportunity to write.
A few months ago I started working again for the first time since Guy’s birth and my family has settled into our routine. Jesse gets up and makes breakfast, while I help Guy get dressed, fed, and ready to go to Grandma’s. After Jesse leaves to drop Guy off, I have an hour or so to myself before work, which I use for yoga, cleaning, catching up on bills, emails or even reading. Between this and my daily commute, I am able to enjoy some time for myself on my work days.
My biggest surprise in returning to work is that there are so many supportive people around me. I keep feeling as if I’ve lucked out by getting the opportunity to work in such a nurturing environment. I feel respected, challenged, and inspired, so it no longer feels like a job but rather a passion. For the moment, I can honestly say, I love teaching. I didn’t feel so enthused just a few short years ago when teaching seemed like a job, full of mundane tasks and colleagues I didn’t feel connected to. I thought I needed to give up the profession entirely, when in fact, I really needed a different environment and a new approach.
activities as my preschoolers have. We spend time outside, make music, write, read or do whatever it is he is interested in doing that day. He likes to fill every waking minute with action, playing alone sometimes, most of the time preferring to have a partner. I am always on call to participate and continue to be amazed at how much our son changes as the months go by.
I was excited to see “A New Earth for Kids” in the March issue of NSFM. I ordered Tolle’s book a few days ago and am eager to begin reading it. In the meantime, I studied the questions, applying them to my role as a parent and my work with children. My son is still too young for some of the exercises in the magazine, but I would love to hear from readers who complete the Engage Aloud with their families.
Since I’ve started thinking about human doing and human being, I appreciate the people around me more. Whether it’s my husband, son, a friend, a child at school or someone driving behind me, I recognize that every person is a gift. I look forward to reading more in this series, because it has already made me look deeper into my life. The question that made me think the hardest and longest was, “Knowing that each person has value because they exist, how do we empower children with that truth?”
When I was in school, I often felt inadequate because of my grades, weight, social status, clothes or any number of things that kids feel self-conscious about. As I think back to those times, I wonder what anyone might have said or done to make me feel valued. I recall a teacher telling my mother how nicely I dressed. Before a basketball game, a coach told me he had been a quiet kid in school, too. This simple comment made me feel as if I mattered, because most people regularly told me I was “too quiet.”
In a recent meditation class, I was guided in an exercise that involved gathering all the love I had ever received in my life. I immediately saw names and faces of people I had long forgotten. When I condensed all the love around me, I felt more powerful and creative than I have ever felt. Most of that love came during my childhood. I had been empowered by so many people who took the time to acknowledge my place in the world.
Over the years—especially as an adult—I have felt a loss of love. The question often pops into my head: Whatever happened to all those people who used to love me? While many of the people I recalled in my meditation are no longer living or in my life, I can still benefit from their love. Without it, I am not sure that I can convincingly teach my child that he has value. After all, I am his first role model. I need to show him that I have value, so he can feel safe in knowing he has value, too, just because he exists.
About the Author:
Tanessa Dillard Noll lives in Belfair, WA. She recently started teaching preschool parttime and before motherhood, she worked with kids of all ages as a tutor, mentor, chat room monitor and teacher. She has degrees in communications and teaching.
April 2008