By Tanessa Dillard Noll
Look for Tanessa’s article every month as she shares her insights and experiences as a mom who’s read this magazine from the start.
It might have seemed like perfect timing that my family was spending the weekend at the ocean. My week at work had been stressful and I anticipated deadlines and other obligations bringing more stress in the weeks ahead. But it was difficult to go into a weekend getaway with excitement when I had all this unresolved stress keeping me from living in the moment. I experienced one calming walk on the beach where I soaked in the sound of the waves and enjoyed looking at shells in the sand. Mostly, I watched my son, Guy, filled with exhilaration, as he ran barefoot along the beach, thrilled by the cold chill of the sand and water on his feet.
Shortly after, I let my stress return. Like the father in “That Fishing Feeling” story from the April issue, I acted out on my frustration, rather than dealing with it in a healthy way. And I didn’t learn my lesson just then. A few days later, someone at work offered me criticism that I had a hard time perceiving as constructive. I immediately thought back to all our previous exchanges that had seemed harsh. Suddenly, my mind was filled with stories about how this person was unsupportive and disliked me. I went home feeling sad because I had been defeated and judged.
I wondered how I could deal with my stress differently than the week before. My husband stepped in to remind me that others do not determine my worth. He gave me several reasons to feel good about the difference I make in the lives of children. Sometimes I take my husband’s pep talks for granted. He seems to think the world of me and would tell me I looked great even if I was covered head to toe in mud. So I don’t always trust him to give me honest feedback, but then I guess he’s able to see who I truly am. I decided to talk to a friend about my frustration as well. Like my husband, my friend reminded me of the good that I was contributing everyday.
One of my biggest challenges in dealing with stress has been taking responsibility for my being. I decided to try EFT, as a way of letting go and connecting with my true self. “Even though people judge me, I am an amazing human being,” I stated. I wanted to affirm the being side of me, discussed in the “New Earth for Kids” series. I felt an immediate release of tension and a shift in my thinking.
When I tell myself that “I am,” and honor my being, I feel the energy, once drained, come back to life. I feel like I am all that I am meant to be, and no one’s criticism devalues who I am. Letting those negative feelings out made all the difference. There was nothing I could do to change anyone’s perception of me, and that was okay. Instead, I decided to focus my energy on taking time to create some positive experiences for my family and myself, which included eating a nice meal out, cooking at home, playing at the park, going for walks, doing yoga and gardening.
“Too often, something happens that bothers us, and we keep carrying it around long after it’s over. How can we live our lives being who we are instead of reacting to everything that happens in our life?” This passage from The Fishing Feeling summed up what I had experienced and reminded me to make more empowering decisions.
I really needed the “I Am” affirmations from the March issue. I have copied them down and am taking them to work with me. I will use these whenever I need a boost of patience or bravery. I felt empowered simply reading them at home, so I can only imagine how useful they’ll be when I need a boost of “I Am!” energy.
As a former middle school teacher, working with four and five year olds has certainly been a transition to a more hands on way of learning. Though I love it, I feel awkward at times, especially working alongside more experienced early childhood teachers. They have the strategies, it seems, for every possible mishap—and there are many. I like certainty, and there is little of that most days. I am learning to trust, to ask for help when I need it, and to simply be at peace with who I am in the moment.
About the Author:
Tanessa Dillard Noll lives in Belfair, WA. She recently started teaching preschool part time and before motherhood, she worked with kids of all ages as a tutor, mentor, chat room monitor and teacher. She has degrees in communications and teaching.
May 2008