By Tanessa Dillard Noll
Look for Tanessa’s article every month as she shares her insights and experiences as a mom who’s read this magazine from the start.
Just as I’m getting comfortable and feeling settled at work, after having taken nearly a year and a half off after the birth of my son, my time is up. I started midyear and am now just weeks away from saying goodbye to my preschoolers. Last month, I felt the end of the school year stress boiling up around me. With deadlines approaching and personalities clashing, I allowed myself to crumble under the pressure. I couldn’t even enjoy a simple weekend away with my family without dwelling on the mounting chaos at work.
After some reflection, I committed to using the “I Am!” affirmations on the job, to ease the tension that arose within me. I copied them on paper, which I kept in my school bag so that whenever I found myself getting tense or upset, I pulled out the affirmations. I found them to be helpful in boosting my confidence, as I approached each day. In teaching, everyday is unique. The mood can completely change according to who shows up that day and how they are feeling. As someone who admits to liking certainty, I can be overwhelmed as I begin a lesson without knowing how it’s going to turn out.
One thing that helped me focus on the present rather than worrying about how things were going to turn out in the future, was reading the “A New Earth for Kids” articles. If my puppet-act to teach letter sounds doesn’t go over well with the children, I accept it. That’s all I can do. It took a few failures to be at peace with that, as I was taught that a good teacher controls her students. But I am learning to let go of my need to control. If I pay attention to the cues from the students, I can tell how much new information they can process in a day. I can sense if they are bored or excited about something. What we teach is only effective if it is learned! If I am really tuned in, I can adjust what I am doing to fit their needs. Finally, I can go home with a smile, no matter how anyone behaves or treats me.
I have done remarkably well at looking for the being in every person I interact with, no matter what the circumstance. It’s a simple, but powerful idea. Situations that could have turned into major ordeals passed peacefully. It feels a whole lot better to recognize the pain in others, rather than taking things personally. And at the same time, I am able to acknowledge the pain that I create in my own life. Then there’s some pain in my life that’s easier to end than others, like the physical pain that occurred when Guy was throwing books, shoes, and wooden spoons in my direction. A few months ago in The Sue-Lution Place, Sue responded to a question about a toddler throwing objects and it fit in perfectly with the situation I was facing with Guy. We followed Sue’s suggestions with the throwing and it really hasn’t been a problem since. Who knew it would be as simple as teaching Guy the difference between soft and hard? Mainly, he throws socks now, which feels a whole lot better! It was a new place for me as a parent, setting boundaries that allowed my son to have his freedom while taking care of myself.
In addition, the article “Taking Care of Me” in the May issue helped me look at ways to nurture myself better, which is a daily challenge. A few weeks ago, my son, Guy, took a week-long trip to Hawaii with his grandparents. Guy and I had never been apart for that long, and it was a major triumph for me to survive the separation. My plan to get through the week was to take care of myself by doing the things I love to do. I read, wrote, watched movies and played music with my husband. I couldn’t believe how much I missed my son! At the same time, I realized that I needed to embrace the present moment, not count the days for his return. After all, he was too busy playing on the beach to take any of my phone calls.
As Kurt Hines wrote in his recent column, “Kids are great for living in the moment.” That message presents itself to me daily—loud and clear. The only moment that seems to matter to my son is the moment he is in. The same holds true for the little ones I teach. They seem to focus so intently on whatever it is they are doing. When my preschoolers speak of the future, it tends to be a much-anticipated birthday or some other joyful occasion to be shared with family and friends. It tends to be a passing thought, not one that keeps them from creating the most inspired piece of art or delving into an elaborately thought-out makebelieve adventure. As open as they are about what displeases them in the moment, they just don’t dwell on the past or future. I admire this quality and it’s one of the greatest lessons that becoming a parent and teaching children has taught me.
Overall, I find that the skills and tools in NSFM help me deal with the things in my life that truly matter. I counted on it helping me with my parenting issues, but now I see that the issues I face in parenting are interspersed in all aspects of my life. Whether I’m home, at work, with my family, or on my own, it seems that there’s always a relevant insight from the magazine that moves me forward in a healthier way on my journey through life.
About the Author:
Tanessa Dillard Noll lives in Belfair, WA. She recently started teaching preschool part time and before motherhood, she worked with kids of all ages as a tutor, mentor, chat room monitor and teacher. She has degrees in communications and teaching.
June 2008