By Sue Woodward
This series of articles is inspired by one of this year’s most publicized books, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. This book asks each of us to awaken to our own consciousness and it speaks of the power of consciousness to transform the world. As each generation leaps ahead of the ideas, beliefs, and limitations of the past, we evolve as a species creating a new level of awareness. It’s our children who will lead us to a world of peace and compassion and it starts with helping them discover the truth of who they are. A New Earth asks us to stop living in our heads, with blame, fault, guilt, anger, sadness, prejudice and disharmony, and instead, asks us to tap into our consciousness, the truth that connects us all. Along the way, we discover our inner purpose and our inner gifts, and by doing so, we give others permission to do the same.
An Engage Aloud For Parents & Kids
Every time you encounter a ∞ sign, be sure to give your child all the time s/he needs to think about the question and discover his/her own, unique answers.
Is Happiness Just a Matter of What Happens to You?
Was there ever something such as a toy, a visit to a friend’s house, or something else that you really, really wanted? What was it? ∞ Then, when you got it, it just wasn’t all that you dreamed it would be? Maybe the toy didn’t work as well as you thought, it wasn’t as much fun as you expected, or you felt bored at your friend’s house. Maybe for a couple seconds, minutes, or hours, you felt happy, but after that, the old feelings of wanting something else came back.
Many people, both adults and children, think that our circumstances, or what happens to us, determine our ability to feel happy. We say, “If only this happened or that happened, or if she didn’t do that or he didn’t do this, then I’d be happy.” When is the last time you felt that way?∞You may notice that even when circumstances change, you still find reasons not to be happy! Even when people win the lottery, after some time, half of them don’t feel any happier than they did before. If you go through life basing your happiness on other people or things changing, you give up your power and life becomes a series of emotional ups and downs, just like a rollercoaster. Can you think of a time when you were on an emotional roller coaster? ∞
True happiness exists in each moment of life, as you are living it. It is not dependent on things or circumstances, but rather your ability to accept what life brings you in the present moment, and stay connected to your inner BEING. You take control of your happiness when you take responsibility for how you think and act in the moments of life. The sooner you learn to take responsibility for your own happiness, the more satisfying, secure, and fulfilling life will be. You have the power to choose your thoughts and reactions in life. That’s the first step to finding the happiness that exists in every moment of time. Can you tell me a time you got upset because of something someone else did or said? ∞ How could you change your thoughts and reactions so next time you can still tap into the happiness that exists in life? ∞
Sally tells Rinya that she doesn’t want to walk home with her. Rinya feels sad at first, and pays attention to her sadness. She realizes that she’s sad because, in a way, she’s thinking, “If Sally would just walk home with me, then I’d be happy.” Then she notices how silly that is. She doesn’t want to keep reacting to everything around her or she’d be bouncing up and down like a ball. Rinya takes a deep breath, turns to Sally, and says, “I’ll miss you but it’s a beautiful day and I am going to enjoy every moment.” Rinya takes responsibility for her feelings and emotions, and anytime those negative thoughts creep in, she taps them away with EFT.
What we choose to pay attention to is the major factor in feeling happy, and it is a choice we have in every moment of life. Rinya could have spent lots of time worrying about why Sally didn’t want to walk home with her. She might have made up all kinds of stories and blown the issue up into something much bigger than it had to be. But what’s the point? If she focused her attention on her fears and worries, she would have just felt more and more upset. Instead, she chose to accept the situation, and focus on the beauty of the moment. Then she could connect with her own source of happiness. What would you like to change about how you see the world, to take some of the pressure, sadness or anxiety off?∞
What You Pay Attention To
Let’s say you’re waiting in line at the post office with your dad, waiting to mail a package and buy some stamps. There is a big display on the wall with gift boxes, stamps, and photos. The cashier is talking to a man who is mad because a letter he sent got lost. There’s a baby in line behind you who goes from happy gurgling to screaming back to happy gurgling. After your stop at the post office, you’re going to the swimming pool for swimming lessons with your best friend.
In this simple scene, there are so many things that you can focus on. What part of the post office scene that you just read about sticks out most in your mind right now? ∞ If you were really standing in that line at the post office, what do you think you would be thinking about or paying attention to? ∞ Do you think that how happy you would be while you’re waiting in line might depend on what you’re paying attention to?∞
Maybe the lady in front of you is frowning about the crying baby or your dad is busy counting out the money he’s going to use to pay for the package. You might not even be paying attention to what’s happening in the post office because you’re thinking about how great the swimming lessons are going to be. Every person has a different experience because they’re all noticing different things. If a reporter stopped each person as they were leaving the post office and asked them to describe what was going on, each person would have a different recollection, even if some things would be the same.
You have a choice about what you choose to focus on. You could focus on the things that make you feel sad or annoyed, or you could focus on things that make you feel good. You could look at stamps, think about going swimming afterward, or let your dad know that you are going to sit on the bench outside and wait.
Happiness isn’t about denying that there are all sorts of terrible things that go on in the world. It is about acknowledging what you have control over--you have the ability to change your thoughts and take responsibility for your own well-being in every moment of life. Spending time wishing things were different just creates frustration and resistance. Paying attention to the emotions that you feel, helps you realize what kind of thoughts you are thinking and what kind of action to take. You can change how you think or act to bring you happiness in the moment. Stop resisting what’s going on, accept it, and then decide how you want to act and respond in the next moment. We can all impact the world in a positive way, and in fact, we are most powerful when we are coming from a place of trust and love.
Geoff went to school but today was different. His favorite teacher snapped at him when he asked a question in math. At first Geoff reacted with pain and sadness. He thought, “I must have done something wrong for Mr. Cramer to treat me like that. I better keep quiet and not ask any questions.” The whole day felt uncomfortable and it affected all his classes. When he got home and downloaded days with his mom, she asked him how he could think about the situation differently. It seemed he was wishing this hadn’t happened, but it did. The first step was just to accept what happened. He already felt better acknowledging that it was over and done with. Then he tried to think about the situation in a different way. “Mr. Cramer is usually really nice to us, so if he wasn’t today, maybe it wasn’t my fault after all. I like him enough that I want to find out what happened.” Then he decided that the next day he would stop in before class and ask Mr. Cramer if there was a problem. The next day he did just that. Mr. Cramer had tears in his eyes as he listened and then said, “Geoff, I was feeling way out of sorts yesterday. I just found out my brother has cancer and I wasn’t dealing with it very well. I probably should have let the class know that, but I didn’t. Thanks for letting me know what an influence I am in your life. Remember, you are never responsible for how I or anyone else reacts, but because you chose to address your feelings, you have impacted not just your life and mine, but how I will be with all the kids throughout the day.”
What’s Happened To You
All of your past experiences affect how you see the world and your place in it. Your view and reaction to what is happening in each moment is colored by your past. When you are unhappy, it’s often because something has triggered you with past anger, sadness, fear or anxiety.
Can you think of a time you suddenly felt angry? ∞ What triggered you? ∞ Remember the lady in the post office? If she had been around a loud, crying baby all day, she might be more likely to be extra-sensitive and annoyed by the baby crying in line. If the man whose letter got lost had a brother who always stole things from him, he might be reacting to this situation as if someone intentionally tried to lose his letter. These past experiences impact how people react in the present, but they don’t change the fact that we can choose happiness in spite of the circumstances, or use them as our excuse for being unhappy. Happiness is there waiting for you in every moment. Do you want to choose happiness or make excuses? ∞
Likewise, the past can be a positive influence on the present. If you encounter a problem that you have already solved in the past, you are much more likely to feel confident about your ability to deal with it in the present. The key is that the past is just another influence on the thoughts that we have in the present. In every moment, there is another perspective, another way of looking at things that we could adopt instead of repeating the thoughts we have learned.
When You’re Not Feeling Happy
When do you feel unhappy? ∞ Any time you are feeling angry, sad, frustrated, or anxious because you just aren’t happy with what’s going on, you are putting stress on your mind and body. We feel stress when we resist what is.
When something happens and you feel upset, take the time to acknowledge and feel your sadness, madness, or whatever you feel. When you feel unhappy, try to figure out what you are wishing would change about the situation or person so you can feel happy. When you realize that you are counting on the world around you to change, it’s easy to see that you have another choice. Do you want to continue feeling upset about something you can’t change or do you want to be happy? ∞
Sometimes, it might be helpful to look at your current situation as if it were on a TV screen. There you are, a character in a movie or TV episode, late for school and your mom and your sister are upset. By taking this perspective you have become the observer of what is happening and that observer is always connected to the calm that is in every moment. You have pulled away from your reactive mind and are seeing that how you act and react is part of your experience, but not who you truly are. You are more than just a physical person, and you can choose to step back and pick a different path to end the drama of fear, sadness, and anger.
Jamie looked at how bad he felt and that his parents were upset because he had forgotten to do his homework again. His mom started talking about what needed to happen for him to get on track. His dad just looked at him, with eyes that said, “Why can’t you just do this right?”
Jamie put his family and himself on the world TV screen and looked at the situation. They were acting like they always did, and Jamie had forgotten, which he always did. But now Jamie was able to look at this without being a part of it. He was not responsible for his parents’ reactions. He could only take responsiblty for his own. He thought about plugging into the world energy, and connecting this TV screen into it. He took a deep breath, and let go of feeling judged. He knew that he was a great kid. Then he let go of his frustration that his parents were always putting pressure on him. He tapped gently on the side of his hand and said “I am a wonderful kid even if I struggle with schedules.” Then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and asked within for a solution, something that would change this situation forever…he didn’t know what or where, but he knew if he plugged in, it would come. Then he saw that he had a choice! He smiled and went over and kissed his mom and said, “I’m sorry you’re so upset, but it already happened. Life is now!”
He told his parents that he was going to talk to his teacher about the homework, because he didn’t want to do it. What was the point of doing it if he didn’t want to? He thought, Do I want to flunk a grade? Not really. What do I want to create? Something changed and he could now see that he was creating what happened by not taking responsibility for what he wanted to happened. And, that was the start of Jamie taking responsibility for his own happiness.
Every moment is an opportunity to realize that we are much more than just what happens to us. We are alive and miracles and magic exist in every moment, right now. You have access to an unlimited amount of knowledge and information that exists in the world, waiting to be heard. Just like the discovery of gravity, life is about paying attention to what is true. It was always there, just waiting for someone to think and understand it. Now is the time to understand who you truly are.
July 2008