21st Century Parenting

Last week I was asked "What can we tell our children when a family member or beloved pet dies?" This question is often one of the most feared questions of parenthood.  What can we really tell our children about death that supports and nurtures their spiritual essence?  Here are a few ideas to consider:

How your children respond to death is often a mirror of how we as parents are responding to death.  WE are the models and are always teaching our children by what we think, say and do.  They'll pick up on what we're feeling.  Be willing to talk about your emotions at an appropriate time.

How old is the child you're talking to is helpful in considering how spiritually in-depth your explanation will be.  Younger children really want to know that the loved one or pet is ok.  They want to feel secure in knowing that "Grandma" didn't go to sleep (as is often what they think or pick up from half understood conversations.)  Reassure young children that the beloved one has changed, and no longer needs this physical body.  Their soul/ that, which is eternal in us all, still lives in our hearts.  The love we shared with them while they were with us is everlasting even though we can't see or touch them anymore.   Many children have a 6th sense about this and seem to set their minds at ease.  Older children may have original or cultural ideas that they might share purposefully or accidentally.  This is a good place to begin the conversation, "What do you believe about death?"  Make space to authentically listen to what's being shared.  Listen without judgment and if asked offer your own insights. 

Regardless of age, children have questions about death and are forming life long beliefs around what and how they experience loss. As parents we are a safe place for them to question and try on new ideas.  As spiritual beings all of us are looking for life's mysteries.  Join in the search together in open dialogue and in sharing personal stories, experiences, and ideas.